Use The Jumbo-Tron

The Barbed Wire loves DIII sports.  Particularly, the Barbed Wire loves DIII football.  It is, at its deepest sense, the truest of NCAA sports.  Not only is it obscure in the sports world, ESPN only covers the championship games...usually on ESPN Where We Put Games We Wish We Could Get Around Showing Channel...but the students play for the love of the game.  No Scholarships.  Okay, "No Scholarships" (The Barbed Wire is anything, if not realistic).  But, while Alabama may send 5-10 players to the NFL this year, one DIII conference might have one player playing for an NFL team in a non-practice squad role all together.

Therein lies the strength of the DIII school.  DIII fans have to approach their respective teams from the "eh, what the hell" point of view.  On Saturday an avid DIII fan has to look around them, keeping in mind that chances are their College Football Team is playing in the local High School Football Team's stadium...which is no where near as packed as it was the night before, realize that there are no TV cameras, maybe an AM radio station covering it, and absolutely no glory relative to the Div-I schools (seriously, just imagine in your head going into your local sports bar after Auburn just succeeded in not only beating Alabama, but putting the "How the HELL did this happen" look on Nick Saban's face) and going, "Tell ya what!  Those TLU Bulldogs put the beat down on Trinity this afternoon!"

<Cricket Noise> (at best)

It is at this point that the DIII fan, be it out of school devotion, nothing else to do, or because they are form Hardin-Simmons and they've had one too many "Near Beers" before kick off, they have to absolutely...100%...full on let loose for their team.  Ask a DIII fan.  It is a sight to behold to watch a DIII football team play it down to the wire.  It can be one of the most exciting events in sports, and there is a mystery about it because you can't explain to the average sports person what happens.  You just can't explain being hoarse and having a migraine from cheering your brains out for a team that has maybe 1,000 people there to watch it.  DIII fans can cheer and make noise when the other team has the ball on the one yard line, and your team is up by 4 with 2 seconds to go in the 4th quarter, like they are at Kyle Field and God granted some pious dying Aggie's last which to let them have that final Thanksgiving game back against Texas and they are still on the verge of blowing it...and in their hearts and minds they think they are as loud as 80,000 people.  That is something the average sports fan just doesn't get.  But, its awesome.  Its football at its purest.

The Barbed Wire was watching Baylor beat that other school over in Austin, and was struck by the fact that, not only was the tarp FINALLY off, but the Baylor fans were FINALLY acting like fans.  The Players were chippy.  There were un-sportsman like conduct flags flying all over the place because the players could feel the energy from the crowd.  They were beating the tar out of Texas and their fans were loving it.  Their fans could care less if they had to re-do a touch down because the receiver decided to dance the ball into the end zone the first time.  For the last game in Floyd "The Tarp" Casey stadium, they were beating a team that has for decades, even in the glory days of RGIII, not just beat Baylor, but did so in such a way that typically, Mack Brown and the rest of the first string, seemed a little annoyed they even had to put pads on against them.  Which led the Barbed Wire to this thought, about a school that some of the Barbed Wire's associates attended.

Now, The Barbed Wire will neither confirm nor deny that they went to school there, met their wives there, and generally were regarded with suspect glances by a significant portion of the student body/administration while they were there.  One half of The Barbed Wire more so with the administration than the other, but suffice it to say, we can't say that one half The Barbed Wire was considered a rebel rousing jack ass and the other a man-whore who "made out with girls" (who the hell else was he suppose to make out with?!  Its a conservative Baptist School for crying out loud!).  We don't know if any of that is true, so don't ask us.  We are completely honest, if asked, we will lie.  That being said, back in 2005 the football culture was at a raging crescendo.  The Couch Cru was at its best, the student section at its loudest and most packed.  When Howard Pain came to town they ALWAYS complained to the refs about the noise and the distraction it was causing their players.  They had this thing called, "The Campus Run" where students would line their cars up on campus and caravan over to Belton High honking their horns, yelling, and letting some crazy African dressed like he was in a Mardis Gras parade lead them on in their frenzied love for the Cru.  It is even rumored that the NCAA came real close to sanctioning UMHB for the intensity of their fans.

It has been expressed to The Barbed Wire that in the years that have followed, the enthusiasm for UMHB Football has waned from "The Thing to Do" on Saturday, to "A Thing to Do" on Saturday.  Fan support has been encouraged to be...well, more encouraging.  Newspapers during announcing the opposing team's line-up?  Nope, not representative of the "Christian Values" UMHB espouses.  "Kill 'Em Cru!"  Nope, too violent and not representative of the "Christian Values" UMHB espouses.  Couches?  No, the students at Baylor don't do that, why would we want to do that here?

Side Note: There was a kid at the UMHB semi-final game against UW Whitewater (scum) holding a sign that said "UMHB: The Better Baylor".  Genius Kid.  The Barbed Wire salutes you.  Also, we are sorry you probably got your sorry ass hauled in for a meeting about not "representing the 'Christian Values' they espouse at UMHB."  Take our word from it: they probably went to Baylor and never had a reason, until now, to get that excited about football.

Anywho, you get the point.  The final straw is the following two things.  Apparently, an e-mail was send out to UMHB folks not to stand during the games that are being played in their BRAND NEW STADIUM THAT PUTS MOST OF CONFERENCE USA's STADIUMS TO SHAME in case the person behind you didn't want to stand up (unless you are in the student section).  Whaaaaa?!  Don't stand up at a football game?  Its not Wimbledon for the love of the pig and the skin!  Then, it has been reported to The Barbed Wire that the condition of football fan culture at UMHB has been allowed to deteriorate such that folks were screaming and making a racket while The Cru was on offense!  This is to the administrations great shame.  It should not be this way, the glory days should not be of yore!  They should be today!  Thus, The Barbed Wire (who cannot confirm nor deny that they attended UMHB and met their wives there) offers a few suggestions:

1.) We get it, they're college students.  They need to be reigned in on occasion, but don't do it such that you stifle their passion for the school and the sport.  When they go nuts as fans, its because THEY LOVE THE SCHOOL.  When you crush that spirit, you crush their love for the school (ahem...and future alumni dollars coming back to the school in the years to come...You Heard That One, huh?!)

2.) Steal a page out of aTm's play book and make the pep rally the night before a sort of "practice" for how to cheer at the game the next day and invite the public.  Apparently, they are confused and need help.

3.) Use the jumbo-tron to give hints for when to be loud and when to be quiet.  If need be, train a camera on the guy screaming his head off while The Cru is on offense and put a captions saying, "Shut The Hell Up".  Okay, we know that crosses the line, but in a perfect world...

4.) Fund the daylights out of The Couch Cru.  Make them a big deal. Also, put together a cadre of past Couch Cru captains from years back as an advisory/mentor group for them.  Who better to know where the line is and what is too far?

5.) Get on the phone with whatever corperation owns Chuy's and tell them to build a location across from Campus.  That has nothing to do with Cru Football, its just that The Barbed Wire loves good fresh  Mexican food and their wonderful jalapeno ranch after watching his alma mater beat the tar out of Sul Ross.

From The Barbed Wire's perspective, UMHB has a special place in the magic that is DIII football.  It has great coaching, money to back the program up, and kids who want to play there.  The football fan culture should be the absolute best and most exciting one in the nation.