THE BARBED WIRE: TEXAS-SIZED FACELIFTS

Over the past five years, several Saturday shrines have been rebuilt or remodeled, giving Texas one more reason to be counted as the best place ever settled by anybody anywhere for any reason. With more renovations to come in the next couple of years, the Barbed Wire has ranked nine of these stadiums, offering a brief commentary on each one. Enjoy.

#9 TEXAS LUTHERAN UNIVERSITY
Our #9 candidate currently plays at a high school stadium in Seguin. While the "vision" is to complete a one-sided stadium in the next year, one might think the vision should be to win a game first.

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#8 UNIVERSITY OF MARY HARDIN-BAYLOR
Our #8 candidate did the same thing as #9, only better. WAY better. This actually looks like a college football stadium.

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#7 UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON
Our #7 candidate appears to be rotating it's stadium to the side and renaming it to some acronym we've already forgotten. The new design is nice, though. It's like a poor man's Amon G. Carter Stadium.

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#6 TEXAS TECH UNIVERSITY
Our #6 candidate has a stadium that burrows into the ground, just like the legions of prairie dogs that surround it. But the wind-blocking Super Taco Bell on one side needed balance on the other side, and the scoreboard needed to be upgraded to rival the University of Texas, as well as provide HD quality vision of Kill Kingsbury's beautiful face.

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#5 UNIVERSITY OF NORTH TEXAS
Our #5 candidate has had some historical issues in letting the public know which mascot is the actual mascot between the "Eagles" and the "Mean Green." To clear up the confusion, UNT built a stadium that looks like a bird with a pigeon tail for an endzone... Or is that the Krispy Kreme logo?

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#4 TEXAS STATE UNIVERSITY
Our #4 candidate added a bowled-out endzone, so that when they played Texas Tech they could fill it for a photo op. Like our #8 and #9 candidates, Texas State now appears to play in a college stadium, rather than a high school stadium.

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#3 TECHNICALLY CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY
Let's be honest. This one is awesome.

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#2 BAYLOR UNIVERSITY
We had to rank Baylor over TCU, because the shock of losing to TCU in something might be too much for Baylor to handle. This stadium will cause more wrecks on I-35 due to its glorious appearance over the horizon when driving on the overpass, and you won't be able to successfully sue Baylor for damages (Ken Starr is still President there). Just ignore the toilet-bowl roof and absence of a tarp.

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