JOHNNY HUMANITARIAN

Tonight, during a preseason football game (when you've waited this long, it may as well be the regular season, and ESPN can go ahead and remove MLB scores as the default scoreboard), Johnny Manziel was caught flipping the bird to the Washington Redskins bench.

Manziel, who before tonight, was known as a class-act, seems to have caused a great deal of surprise and outrage to his critics, who apparently expected better out of him.

For example:
Longhorn fan - "Johnny is so classless!  He's so cocky!"
Aggie fan - "Wait.  WHAT?  Johnny Manziel is cocky?  We had no idea!  Your Facebook link will change our allegiance immediately!"

Something like that.

Initially, the news of this outrageous gesture (which none of Johnny's critics have apparently ever used in their own lives) came as mind blowing information, but after further investigation, Johnny felt a soft spot in his heart for Native Americans, and after three hours of putting up with the misrepresentation and disrespect of said people by the Washington [Name of Choice], Johnny couldn't take the insensitivity any longer.  "THIS IS FOR HUMANITY!" he screamed, as the ESPN cameras zoomed in for their next week's worth of "news" coverage.

But in the end, the storm was calmed with further reports that this case of "Johnny Flipping the Bird" actually happened a few decades ago, and the sun will come up tomorrow.